Can You Be Any of These Things With Your Ex?

I’m not friendly with any of my exes and on a reflective Thursday I thought to myself how different my life could have been if I had stayed friends. Or even mutual for that fact.

I am in fact the complete opposite. Once a relationship is over I drop all contact (as possible) and distance myself away as much as I can. I’m hurting, I’m sad and I need to be alone to fully get over the relationship so I can move on. To me, staying friends means feelings wouldn’t change. How can you move on as a person if you are hung up on the past?

Maybe that’s my own issue. Dropping all contact possibly says a lot about me, or the relationship that we had.

Reflective Thursday has been underway and I’ve thought of the scenarios of a break up that would make me feel awkward and even regretful about staying mutual.

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1) Continue to be friendly/civil with said ex.

You have spent years, months, weeks, or sometimes even days together. All of that time adds up to quality times which has been spent together.

So would it be a shame to then disown your ex partner as a stranger? After seeing your ex down the street when you have spent so much time together in the past would a friendly ‘hi’ or a now and again catch up would be a better way on how to stay friendly rather than bitter and awkwardly ignore each other in those circumstances where you simply can’t avoid each other?

I would have no shame in ignoring my ex. In fact, I was once in the same pub as a (bad) ex a couple of months ago and I actually left to avoid the awkward “is he looking over at me” feeling I get. Maybe I’m running away from my past when I see him, or possibly… quite possibly, I just don’t want to see him cos he is a big ass twat 🙂

2) Getting back together after a break up

Often than enough a break up occurs with lots of in the moment angry words and phrases getting bounced off each other. Once time has gone by one of you might decide you miss the other and may want a possible reunion. If nasty words or comments about the other one has been said, it leaves an awkward atmosphere between the two, and could ruin the chance of getting back together.

Is it too late to say sorry and ask to get back together? Quite possibly yes. Too much water under the bridge is a real life issue.

If you decide you miss the ex once it is over it stirs nothing but trouble. I’m writing that from experience too.

3) Continue to carry on plans you have organised/booked together whilst you were together.

Like most couples do, planning of future events is often the case whilst in a happy relationship. What happens if you split up with plans looming ahead?

Scrapping the plans may seem sad and you could lose money, but would the plans be worth any possible awkwardness or even arguments? Hmm..

4) Carry on to be friends with people from that relationship?

If a relationship has been going on for a while it is common that you get to know their friends and vice versa, do you continue that Whatsapp group chat with his friends or do you leave and kind of remove yourself from that group?

If you do continue with those friends does that mean the ex may also be invited to ‘Becky’s’ birthday night out, and why should you not attend the bash because your ex is going to be there? Loosing a partner is one thing, but loosing friends too.. Just awful.

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6 thoughts on “Can You Be Any of These Things With Your Ex?

  1. ammanrkayla says:

    “big ass twat” haha, love it!!

    But super interesting post! In my opinion, I think being friends with an ex is possible, it just takes a lot more work than people think. For example, with my current boyfriend, he’s super unlike the relationships I’ve had in the past and it would suck to never have him in my life again if we broke up. But for that to happen, on the initial breakup, I don’t think it’s a clever idea to jump straight into being friends. I think it’s important to have some time apart, get over them, fall out of love and maybe (a lot longer) after, friends can happen.

    Sending love!
    Kayla xx

    | http://www.growingkale.home.blog

    Like

    • CarlyTamara says:

      I think it’s hard work making a friendship with someone you have spent time with. But I’m glad you’ve managed to be civil as it’s a shame to lose all those years you spent together. Thanks for reading!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. The diary of Ellie says:

    When i broke up with my ex like 3 years ago or something we were civil with each other for a little while just because i felt bad for breaking up with him because he was devastated but then i just wanted to move on and for that reason i just cut ties with him!

    Like

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