I can’t help little things starting to get on my nerves when I’m just trying to earn some dollar. I worked in two different bars back in Newcastle where I’m from, and in a club in the middle of Manchester whilst in my second year at uni before I was sadly made redundant and they closed the premises.
Having several years experience of working behind a bar under my belt enables you to look and watch drunk people from a difference perspective, not one that you typically experience when you are out on the drink, too. Those kind of drunk people are acceptable and rather funny, but a sober me watching those kinds of people whilst working sees a total different side to drunk.
1. When you can see that I am busy serving someone, please don’t lean over the bar and say “excuse me, when you’ve got a minute can I have…” It’s just ignorance at its best and if anything it will prevent me from wanting to serve you.
2. Please don’t refer to any drink as it being “cheeky” a ‘cheeky’ vodka does not exist. End of.
3. Always say please and thank you. Bad manners is so unattractive and it doesn’t take two seconds to say thanks after I’ve served you.
4. Don’t tell me I’m doing your cocktail wrong because you’ve taken a cocktail masterclass at Tiger Tiger and now you think you know every cocktail on the planet and how it should be poured, shaken and presented. Different places have different ingredients, training and glasses. I’m doing it the way I have been trained by the company. Get. Over. It.
5. This one is for the boys out there. Pay attention. Just because I’ve served you and given you a smile it does not mean I want a sampling of your penis, or your number for that matter. I’m just doing my job.
6. Never ever, and I mean never click your fingers or wave at us. I cannot start to stress enough how disgustingly bad mannered that is. Plus you are more likely to get served last rather than first for just being a dick. Well done to you.
7. We never give anything away for free. So if the promo staff have apparently told you you can get a free drink cos its your birthday then unless he’s paying for it himself, you in fact are not.
8. Just because you are drunk does not excuse you for being a complete twat. I’m only doing my job and that job does not deserve to be spoken to like a piece of shit on your shoe.
9. This one is a little picky, but annoying none the less. Can you please not hand over scrunched up notes. We are busy and I cannot be bothered to waste extra seconds of my time to unravel your rotten sweaty scrunched £10 note.
10. Don’t order a drink and then walk away to talk to your friends for you never to return. We have personal wastage and twats like you do not help our wastage figures.
11. Be more specific when you ask for a drink. Don’t start be saying “I’ll have a beer” because that’s really helpful…
12. Don’t whinge at me when I tell you the total. Or say “how much!?” Once again Im just doing my job, I didn’t create the prices. I’m just trying to earn some dollar without causing conflict. If you’re stingy with money then let me know you’re after something cheap and I can try to help you out by giving your prices.
13. When you can evidently see me cleaning up (obviously off service) yet my other co-workers are available to serve. Do not make a B line to me, it is clear I am technically off selling duty and I am closing my station down.
14. If the music is particularly loud please speak up. I can’t hear you if you whisper or what looks like miming your order to me. I know I can make some pretty sick ass drinks, but I am not a lip-reading code understanding superhuman.
15. If you have been standing at the bar for 5+ minutes please have your order ready when I get to you. When it is busy it is rather frustrating to come to you and for you then to re-ask your friends for the 7th time what they’re drinking.
Can anybody relate to the above points? Let me know in the comments.
P.S If you are reading through these and you think one relates to yourself then don’t take offence, this post is only a little bit of fun, learn how to have some and you may smile when giving this a read in the future.